Whether you are continuing, starting, or in the early stages of contemplating a journey home to yourself, now is the perfect time to assess what you need for your emotional wellbeing.
You are both the garden and the gardener (mental paint)ππΈ
Her Time would like to wish you a safe and peaceful Christmas/holiday season.
Her Time will be closed from the 23rd December and reopen on the 10th January. If you phone, text or email during this period, I will get back to you on our return.
For many women and families, Xmas can be a one of mixed emotions and experiences, including it being a challenging time of the year for many reasons.
If you are needing any crisis support over the Xmas period please call
1800 Respect on 1800 737 732
DV Connect on 1800 811 811
Lifeline Crisis Support Service on 13 11 14
I would also like want to thank you for choosing Her Time to support you in 2023. It is an honour to take part in your reclaiming and healing journey.
Karen
Her Time βΊοΈπΈ
Abusive relationships are built on patterns.
The initial period is where you fall in love. Maybe you are love bombed, have been rescued from something, made feel special or chased after. The person you meet here in this stage is a perceived dream catch.
The next stage though is when you really get to meet the hidden or shadow side of someone. This is when shit gets real.
Often this stage is triggered by something. A jealously, moving in together, a baby. Or a perceived need is unmet that you were supposed to be responsible for. Or it’s a change of circumstances, a new job, returning to study, a new friend. Or it’s a stressful job or excessive alcohol or drug consumption.
This is when shit gets hard and the true feelings, traumas, and beliefs surface. Everyone’s reactions to to these moments are central to the safety and wellbeing of the relationship.
How someone holds life’s shitty and changing moments, how they actively work through their traumas, how they attend to addictions, how they work on their behaviours, is paramount.
Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has trauma based responses and everyone needs to take full accountability and responsibility for when they have truly hurt someone else.
But abusers rarely if ever take this responsibility. Using blame or justification to excuse poor or abusive behaviour. Or giving a half arsed apology with no intention of actioning real change.
Yearning for a return to the honeymoon stage, forgiving without seeing real change, or idealising the perpetrator of abuse is often the fallout for victim/survivors.
When this pattern happens time and time again, this is an abusive relationship.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #entitlement #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships #partswork
#traumatriggers #coercivecontrol #patternsofabuse #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #recovery
Post Court Trauma is real.
In sexual assault, domestic violence or family law court matters, very often the victim/survivor experiences are one of pathologising, shaming or exploiting existing trauma responses.
And then adding to the trauma using abusive cross examination practices such as being yelled at, intimidated, gaslit, belittled, put down, demeaned and demoralised.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships #partswork
#traumatriggers #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #traumainformed
When one door closes, another one should open. Right?
Wrong. In very entitled and emotionally needy abusive relationships, an abuser will refuse to allow you to close the door on them.
They don’t see it as your right to leave what is no longer working for you, or that those around them have a right to safety, security, respect, autonomy, equality or freedom.
At the higher end of the scale an abuser with all the traits of a narcissist, ends the life of the victim and/or ends their own life as punishment.
Others fight their way through the family and property law act refusing to concede what is just, fair or actually in the best interests of the children. They can spend years trying to get back at the survivor or make it very difficult for them to enter into a new relationship. Many demand primary carer rights even though they’ve never done any of the emotional labour or hands on caring before. Then when they get the ‘right’ to children, have no idea about healthy, secure attachment or how to meet children’s emotional and psychological needs. And they keep blaming the other party.
Others use obsessive stalking, ongoing manipulation and coercion or frightening threats to get their way.
Abusers only ever see things their way. Using an entitled superiority lens, ie they only see what they are ‘losing or going to lose’ when their needs are no longer going to be being met.
And tragically as a result, almost all will force that door to remain open for as long as they physically, financially, emotionally, legally, coercively, can. Or until they are forced to, or they decide they want to, close the door.
Getting support from domestic and family violence organisations can be helpful when navigating this arduous, often frightening, journey.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships
#coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits
The hardest part of a relationship is finding out who someone really is.
An abuser always presents just a little part of them. The part that knows if they are charming, flattering, ideal enough, you are more likely to ignore any little flags and you will be more inclined to believe their version of themselves and their life.
So it’s often not until you fall in love, get pregnant to, move in with, or are set up to feel sorry for them, that who they really are, becomes more apparent.
By then the trauma bond is created. You are both idealised and demonised. And because the idealised part of the relationship feels so damn good, you hang on to that part for longer than is safe, and at the cost of your physical, emotional and psychological health.
Trauma bonds are the hardest to break.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships #partswork
#traumatriggers #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #healing #traumabonds
Feeling betrayed is completely despairing and gut wrenching.
And betrayal trauma, like all traumas, results in all kinds of emotional, physical, psychological and financial distresses and behaviours.
Particularly if one is left isolated and alone with it, it is pushed down and ignored, or one is retramautised by the system meant to protect.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships #partswork
#traumatriggers #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #healing #familycourt #patriarchalsystems #betrayaltrauma
The part of you yearning for what is lost or the part of you who feels very lonely, need your full attention and care after a relationship breakdown, particularly an abusive one.
Trauma bonds, betrayal trauma and a fragmented sense of self as a result of abuse, cause enormous grief and shame.
Often to stave off these feelings, distraction is the most sought after coping mechanism.
Sometimes these are old patterns that have helped in the past. A new very quickly enmeshed relationship, drinking or drug taking, emotional eating, using sex as a way to find intimacy, hiding, keeping very busy, using children to fill the void. None of these are good nor bad, they are what they are. Helpful.
But if you are determined not to use old ways of coping, or are realising the pool of available safe suitors without numerous red flags is limited. And it’s triggering the yearning/lonely parts, particularly around returning to a previously abusive relationship, there are things you can do.
Talking to a trauma informed therapist who deeply listens and supports you to find your way in the world is extremely beneficial. Overcoming grief, trauma, fragmentation, fear and shame based feelings through therapy is often a start. But it’s not the only thing.
The work is in learning how to show up for yourself, centring your values, and being in the world in more nourishing ways.
Relationships built on friendship, fun, emotional intimacy, mutuality, shared interests and/or meaningful connection are all soul mate relationships. Gender does not matter.
Discovering what else you love, either alone without fearing judgement, or with others who have the same interests, can be exciting.
Taking up space and finding the you that was lost, consumed or somewhat destroyed, is both purposeful and meaningful.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships #partswork
#traumatriggers #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #healing #boundaries
Art by Niki de Saint Phalle
Being forced, or feeling forced to always meet the needs of your partner or your parents, greatly impacts on wellbeing.
It prevents your right to autonomy, equality and agency.
Tactics such as belittling, silencing, punishing, coercing, gaslighting or humiliating take away from who you are as a person.
Having to push down or shut down your needs, wants and emotions, always walking on eggshells or living in a state of perpetual guilt, takes its toll on the body, mind and soul.
Nobody deserves to be treated abusively or dismissively.
If you would like support to navigate these experiences.
If you need support to understand these experiences.
Or if you need support to overcome these experiences, a trauma informed professional therapist can help.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships #partswork
#traumatriggers #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #peoplepleasing #healing #entitlement #betrayaltrauma #gaslighting #breadcrumbing
Her Time specialises in domestic and family violence therapy.
From a trauma perspective, looking inside, feeling the feels, acknowledging the pain, listening to the weariness, helping heal the impact; terrifies us.
People can spend decades protecting themselves from their pain by continually turning away from it, overusing drugs and alcohol, or projecting it outwards.
It is far easier to turn outwards, to disconnect or disassociate from the inside, to chase daydreams and/or to hold hope that if the external world changes, it changes you.
It is true that we need to look outside of ourselves and into the bigger macro systems for long lasting change. Inequality, power over, capitalism, poverty, racism, sexism are all examples of major systems that impact upon our lives. And unless we all advocate for systems change, we can only dream of a better world for all.
But on a micro level, within our relationships to ourselves, we are the only ones who can effect real change. It’s an inside job.
Yet more often than not we are scared of what we might find out if we go within.
Scared that we don’t have the capacity to hold the parts that hurt. Scared that the alone part will feel even more alone if we choose our own well-being and mental health over others.
Scared that what you were told, effectively to keep you boxed in, labelled or controlled, might be true.
Scared too of the unknown.
And initially we can feel incredibly unsafe unpacking the protectors one puts in place that stopped the pain of shame or vulnerability as a child or in abusive relationships.
But going within, gently inquiring into the hurt or emotional repression, the anger and resentment, allows us to rebuild a safe and authentic connection with ourselves.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships #partswork #
#traumatriggers #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #healing
Whilst everyone can project their hurt and pain onto others before they know better. Before they find the courage to learn to soothe and develop boundaries around their own wounded parts by using curiosity, compassion and somatic and deep reflective practices to work through processing pain.
Many people who are family and domestic violence abusers just straight out project. And due to a lack of courage, gross entitlement or perceived privilege, refuse to do their own work.
Are you living, or have ever lived with someone who projects their stuff on to you, making all their repressed emotional needs, your responsibility?
Their deep seated insecurities, toxic levels of shame that then seek to shame you, and their need for power over to make themselves feel good, projections.
All the false, reactive name calling, put downs and jealous accusations, projections.
The need to control and dominate, projections.
The hate and vitriol leveled at people who they perceive as having done any wrong by them, projections.
Forcing you into co-dependency, projections.
Needing you to always pander to, or build up their ego, projections.
Demanding you mother or parent them, projections.
The desperation or entitled rage, projections.
If you are living with someone who does this, these trauma (+ entitlement) projections become your responsibility. To hold, fix, placate, soothe, obey.
And if you fail, you are further blamed or punished. Sometimes long after the relationship is over.
You are not responsible for someone else’s emotional repression or trauma wounds.
But when living with an abusive person, it’s a dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t situation.
Trauma work is for everyone.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships
#traumatriggers #entitlement #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #emotionalabuse #equality #boundaries
Just leave!!! is an often rolled out reply to people living with abuse. Like its the magic answer to safety and freedom.
What most people don’t realise, is that leaving, walking away or putting in a boundary around someone who is very entitled and incredibly needy, can set off a completely new set of abuses.
Sometimes leaving sets off abuse where there’s been nothing significant before. And this generally indicates that as long as the controlling person got their needs met, they were happy. When that changes, the abuse commences.
Post separation can be a frightening and dangerous time for many women.
Having the courage (redefined as audacity from the abusers perspective) to leave what is diminishing you; or to regain safety, freedom, autonomy and agency, is a basic human right.
But many women who leave or try to leave, are made pay and suffer for it. Threats to suicide, threats to kill, harm, stalking, manipulation, blackmailing, and/or refusing to amicably settle property or to equally co-parent.
Trying to turn children away from the other parent by constantly undermining or belittling. Giving them anything and everything to win them over.
Blaming the non abusive parent when the children don’t want to speak to, or spend time with the abuser.
Blaming the non abusive parent for the traumatic responses of children to the abuser. Never taking responsibility for their abuse.
Refusing to share the financial burden of children because they don’t get to control the situation anymore. Refusing to permit children to get the help they need to overcome the trauma. Making absolutely everything a fight, drama or battle as a show of power over.
Demanding and coercing the non abuser into ignoring child safety, family law, domestic violence or police orders so they continue to get their needs met.
Refusing to accept the relationship is over. Threatening new partners.
This is all post separation domestic and family violence and abuse.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #trauma #toxicrelationships
#entitlement #coercivecontrol #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #postseparationabuse
Ever wonder why some people cope the way they do, or wondered why you do?
Why anxiety, depression, shame, numbness, isolation, anger, insecurity might be very present in your adult life without current experiences of abuse, violence or adversity?
Whilst not every thing is traumatic.
And not every thing causes trauma.
And not everyone is impacted (even in the same family) by the lives around them in the same way.
And neither is trauma always about the event/s that were occurring, it is often what happens for you after these adverse childhood experiences that can create trauma.
Trauma can be complex (trauma after trauma) and intergenerational because some societies and families are profoundly impacted by the systems around them.
Genocide, war, colonisation, poverty, patriarchy, racism, sexism, homophobia, death, capitalism, fundamentalism, too high expectations, strict or unequal and completely socialised gender roles, hierarchal domination, gross entitlement, authoritarianism, sexual abuse, sexual objectification and harassment, and domestic and family abuse or violence, heavily impact on human beings.
What can result is emotional disconnect, neglect, feelings of rejection and abandonment, projection, isolation, poor mental and physical health, drug and alcohol abuse, anxiety, depression, shame, post traumatic stress, desperation, insecurity, and ongoing power over and/or fear based parenting.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #patriarchy #inequality #systemsabuse #poverty
#traumatriggers #entitlement #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse
You have a right to leave a relationship that is abusive, disrespectful, violent, punishing, controlling, without you and/or the children being subjected to ongoing post separation violence and abuse.
Your partner has no right to continue to try and have control over you and the children because you left.
Your partner has no right (to continue) to cause you to fear them.
Lots of abusers refuse to accept, or have a hard time accepting the relationship is done, and can for years make their ex-partners life hell.
This is extremely common.
It has huge impacts on children who are caught in a world of pain and projection that they don’t understand.
Not every abuser is a narcissist (this is an American saying for abusers) but every abuser has a grandiose sense of entitlement over the relationship and children (or pets).
And often deliberately sets out to punish those who they perceive have hurt them without ever truly looking at the part they played in the relationship.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships
#traumatriggers #entitlement #coercive #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #emotionalabuse #marriage #equality #boundaries
Falling in love is easy. Falling out of love sometimes not so.
Most people with the wisdom of experience, will tell you the naivety in their relationship came from one, or both parties holding romantic or idealised notions of what they thought a long term relationship or marriage is, or should be.
The classic fairy tale, two people meet, fall in love, maybe have children, buy a pet, move in together, build a business together, and they live ‘happily ever after’.
The trouble with living in a fantasy is that it rarely, if ever works out like the idea of it.
Traumas, lack of safety, violence, abuse, little or no communication skills, different expectations, values and beliefs, changed values, having children, parenting styles, inequitable emotional loads, unshared housework, addictions, unmanaged (mental) health, boredom, disillusionment, forced financial dependence, bills, work burdens, relationship burdens, family burdens, can find their way into relationships.
They can create endless distress unless worked on.
And when these distresses become too much, without an equitable and amicable parting agreement, things can sometimes get very nasty and/or very dangerous.
Agreeing to deep, honest conversations over a period of time about the realities of life really matter when it comes to such a big commitment.
Having deep, hard, vulnerable conversations throughout the relationship really matter.
Holding each other to account, keeping oneself and others safe, taking responsibility and being willing to work on stuff that has arisen throughout the relationship, is also the contract.
And being able to let go, shame free, even with pain of separation, when the relationship is over is also important.
This all takes the work of emotionally grounded adults and includes complete honesty, clear boundaries, declared values, equitable compromise, past trauma’s laid to rest, and a real desire for empowerment, wellbeing and safety.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships
#traumatriggers #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #love #marriage #equality #boundaries #children
When wounded, frightened, angry or entitled people and societies project, they want or need you to take on their stuff as your own.
As children we have no other option but to believe that what is being projected is about us.
We’ve no capacity to understand that the people meant to love, protect, nourish and guide individuality, have little to no ability or desire to do this.
I’m too lazy, I’m too much. I’m too naughty, I’m not good enough. I’m too emotional, I’m too sensitive. I’m not good looking enough, I’m not perfect enough. Im not intelligent enough, I’m not ‘normal’ enough. I’m not (dominant) cultured enough.
These are all ideas given to us by systems - parental, family, school, social, capitalist, religious or patriarchal, mainly white systems that refuse to change, or accept you for you.
It is the same in abusive relationships. An abuser wants you to be who they think you should be. They begin to erode who you are. To do this they attack your strengths and turn them in to weaknesses. Out of fear, obligation and/or misguided love, you eventually have to become who they think you should be and you lose you along the way.
Most of the wounds you carry are not about you, it’s a wound that has been handed down, or handed over.
Most of the expectations you hold are also not about you. They are expectations based on a capitalist, or fear and control driven society that tells you you need to be xyz in order to be successful, be accepted, be happy, be loved.
Finding you, means dropping stories and ideas that don’t fit and don’t serve. It also means giving back wounds and not taking on others.
Once this has been understood on a heart level, your special qualities, unique personality, endearing quirks, interests, values and what nourishes your soul, begin to flourish. And you can be loved for who you are, not what you felt forced to be.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships
#traumatriggers #entitlement #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #emotionalabuse #controllingbehaviour
Controlling an intimate partner is not love, it’s abuse.
Overtime it stops you from being who you really are, and you become who your partner needs you to be.
Controlling a partner using jealously.
Constantly being accused of cheating
Dictating the clothes they wear.
Making it hard for them to go somewhere.
Monitoring their movements.
Isolating a partner from their friends and family.
Making work difficult or not letting a partner work.
Punishing a partner if they don’t do something.
And threatening or coercing a partner are all tactics of control.
Being controlled takes autonomy, agency and equality from you.
Overtime it makes your world smaller.
This can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, anger, resentment and isolation.
Isolation contributes to making you feel alone in the world with no outside support.
Controlling someone is a tactic of domestic violence. It is driven by entitlement and feelings of gross insecurity.
You are not responsible for making your partner feel more secure. And if you are made to feel this way, this in turn hands them more control.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships
#traumatriggers #superiority #entitlement #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #emotionalabuse #controllingbehaviour #cheating #monitoring #isolation
Healthy shame teaches us when we’ve fucked up, hurt someone or something.
It helps to deepen empathy for the good of the whole of community.
Unhealthy or toxic shame is used as a weapon of patriarchal and capitalist power & control.
It is projected onto others through the tactics of domination and subordination.
It keeps people small & contributes to people’s false sense of power over themselves and others.
Racism, sexism, classism along with body shaming, culture shaming, masculinity shaming and diversity shaming keep people down and keep those in power, in control.
Very simply, starting in childhood, shaming certain behaviours and shaming others, indoctrinates society. And once unhealthy or toxic shame is embedded, it affects inner worth, critical thinking, joy, happiness and contentment.
Those that hold, or have lived with unhealthy or toxic shame, often struggle with healthy relationships, not only with themselves, but with others.
Ego boasting, status symbolism, toxic masculinity, judging, power over, anger, defensiveness, violence, abuse and control, can be overt behaviours of unhealthy and toxic shame.
Worthlessness, drug & alcohol abuse, self harm, keeping small, not showing up, always feeling judged, people pleasing, jealousy, resentment, can be covert behaviours linked with holding unhealthy and toxic shame.
Shame in itself is helpful. As an adult with capacity, if we’ve hurt someone or an animal and we touch into empathy of how that might have felt, it allows us to really see the other. Shame for our actions, and taking responsibility or being accountable, can stop us from doing it again.
Or if we’ve done something that could have harmed someone, shame or it’s friend guilt, can help with lessons on boundaries around behaviours.
Unless we are willing to work through shame cleanly, it can stay stuck and continues to be projected and/or it is internalised onto the self.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #trauma #toxicrelationships
#superiority #entitlement #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #shame #toxicshame #boundaries #guilt #projection #worthlessness #selfesteem
You do not manifest or attract
abusers, or abuse.
EVER.
This is victim blaming.
Believing this just makes the abuser
invisible.
It hides how many there actually are and completely dismisses how hard it is to recognise and avoid them.
Many abusers disguise themselves as good people.
They use image management and manipulation to have you believe they are something they are not.
They agree with everything you say in order to appear to have the same values as you.
Their friends and co-workers like them. Though in the case of a true narcissist, many do not.
Your family might like them, then question what is wrong with you.
They are incredibly hard to spot.
We do no manifest inequality, power over, entitlement, racism, or violence and abuse.
These are systemic conditions created by patriarchal, toxic masculine and capitalist frameworks.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #womenswork #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #traumawork #trauma #toxicrelationships
#traumatriggers #superiority #entitlement #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #emotionalabuse #manifestation #toxicpositivity #systemicabuse #patriarchy
Similar to the dynamics of a drama triangle (perpetrator, abuser, rescuer) an emotional abuser always wants or needs to be seen as the victim.
And unless others are colluding or sympathising with the abuser, they are also moved into the abuser role. Often the moment an emotional abuser senses or knows that you are no longer supportive of them, they might turn and attack, and then immediately move on to try and co-opt others into feeling sorry for them.
Playing the victim is an emotionally needy response to many different situations. And as it can be extremely covet, often it is hard to put your finger on it at first.
If cracks are appearing in the facade of the abuser, they might turn things around and accuse or gaslight their target into thinking they’re the abuser.
If you try and hold an abuser to account for their poor/bad/abusive/entitled behaviour, they might try to say you’re the one trying to control them, or always picking on them, or that they can never do anything right.
If an adult child, or partner of an adult child, attempts a boundary around how things might be. It might first be met offence (you can’t mean me), then entitlement (how dare you), then positioning as victim (poor me, you don’t love me, for example) all because they were unable to accept a boundary.
They might always claim age, sickness, ignorance, or mental health, as a way of getting their needs met. Or use a forced obligation, ie that their needs are greater than yours, in order to do so.
They may get incredibly defensive, and then make you feel incredibly guilty for making them upset, all for trying to trying to stand up for yourself.
Some exaggerate or outright lie about what is true so others feel sorry for them.
And emotionally abusive parents can move and use different siblings at different times into the rescuer and abuser roles, but always be the victim themselves.
#hertime #womenscounselling #therapy #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #abuse #trauma #toxicrelationships
#traumatriggers #superiority #entitlement #coercivecontrol #familyviolence #powerandcontrol #narcisticabuse #narcistictraits #victimhood #dramatriangle #emotionalabuse